John Morogiello – American Playwright

Here are my dream scenarios for the world series:

1) Joe Torre’s Dodgers defeat the Red Sox. This would be the sweetest one. Former Red Sox who had been ill-used by management (Nomar, Manny, Lowe) would get revenge, and the Steinbrenners would weep bitter tears for treating Torre so deplorably. Not to mention that Boston would lose in this scenario, which is unquestionably the most pleasant prospect for me. Oh, how the Bostonians would cry in their cups of chowder! Cursing the day Joe Torre was born! I like the idea of this scenario so much, I may not even follow the playoffs at all; rather I will tell myself repeatedly that this is what actually happened until I start to believe it. Much like the daily tactics of the Bush administration.

2) All Chicago. There’s a lot I like about this, but it comes with trepidation. Primarily, I like that the White Sox are Obama’s team, and there’s the potential for him to throw out the first pitch and get lots of good press and applause. There’s also little chance of him blowing this, since, unlike bowling, there are no pins for him to knock down.

But what frightens me about this scenario is that, lately, God has been doing terrible things to baseball towns that win in election years. In 2004, Boston won the series and local boy John Kerry went down in flames. In 2000, the Yankees beat the Mets and W. was selected, which indirectly led to the near destruction of New York. I guess that’s a stretch. Maybe God only hates subway series. Remember the Oakland/San Francisco series? Earthquake! In any case, I don’t want either Chicago team to win, if it means a loss for Obama.

And don’t think I didn’t notice that the Yankees haven’t won a series since Bush came along! Next year, with him gone, it’s ours!

All right, I just reread this, and I sound like a raving lunatic. I’m done.